It was 2am at night. I couldn’t sleep. I actually felt nauseous from the pressure I felt inside myself to write to her. In some ways it felt futile because I argued to myself that it wouldn’t really help. She probably won’t even read it herself, and most likely, won’t do anything about it. As we all know, the Queen doesn’t intervene in ‘political matters’.

At the time, the whole world was in turmoil, but especially in the United States, because of the death of George Floyd. People were advocating for ‘Black Lives Matter’. The Queen’s own grandson and his family left the UK and were living in North America. So, why write to the Queen of England?

Like everyone else who was born in a commonwealth country, the power of the British Empire has played a major part in my life. From the moment I was born, even though I might not have realised it at the time, the British influence on myself and my country of birth, South Africa, has been immense.

The psyche of the whole nation, and in fact, on the entire commonwealth, has been so influenced by England’s global dominance, and the laws that were put in place during colonial rule. These pass laws set the scene and made it easy for Apartheid rolled out and enforced. The Anglo-Boer Wars forever changed a people from being farming folk to ones who vowed never to be governed and shamed, which was another contributing factor to the scar of Apartheid.

I was born in the seventies, an era that was marked by the Angolan Bush war- a war that now holds no value, but cost thousands of lives. A war that was supposedly fought to keep the communists out of Africa, but that was more about resources and Western rule in the world.

The trail of blood from the Empire and other colonial powers leads all through Africa, Asia and the Middle East, and with Floyd’s death, was clearly still playing out in the United States. The legacy of slavery has not disappeared. The racist thought patterns can be seen throughout the ‘colonies’, even here in my new homeland, Australia. When I arrived here in 2007, I came face to face with the ‘invisible’ Aboriginal people. The legacy of the White Australia Policy was still evident. The same pass laws that the British established in South Africa were used here too in the past. Yet, despite this, many are still washing their hands of the past, and think that it was not their doing.

The problem is that even if you think that none of this matters today, or that you yourself are innocent of these things, for people who have lived experiences of the consequences of colonial systems, it is not. The UK and other previous colonial powers are still reaping the benefits of the Empire whilst the world is battling with the effects of racist laws. Without the resources taken from Third World Countries, Europe would not be generations ahead of especially African nations.

Through my letter, I was hoping that the late Queen’s biggest achievement could have been helping the world acknowledge that these patterns we are still operating in are wrong. After seeing an article in the Guardian, “King Charles signals first explicit support for research into monarchy’s slavery ties”, I am hoping that perhaps King Charles could be the change maker.

Not only will an apology and acknowledging the past bring healing to many people, perhaps even his own family and nation, but it will make others aware that subconsciously and subtly de-humanising colonial systems have infiltrated our thinking and we have accepted these systems and beliefs as the norm.

Every day of my life, I acknowledge that I come from white privilege. I was educated in an elite Apartheid education system that enabled me to come to Australia. My ancestors still had a colonial mindset and often only did things to further their own cause. I do everything in my power to give back to Africa and to build bridges. I am grateful for where I am from, because even though in the eyes of the world, we will always be the villains, I know that God knows that I am living a life-giving life as a bridge builder and peacemaker. I have the power to bring change to a system where people defend themselves and their ancestors and refuse to acknowledge the sins of the past. One thing is certain, there can be no liberty without repentance. The truth always sets people free.

As the head of the Church of England, King Charles is the spiritual head of the nation. This is a position of great responsibility.

Jesus Christ himself was revolutionary in his advocacy for the marginalised, women, the poor and underprivileged. With Easter just gone by, we are reminded that Jesus Christ paid the price for all of this mess and that people can be free and experience His love. That from the beginning, we see that God values life, and all human life as equal.

You may ask, why bring God into this? Ironically, although Christianity is in decline amongst white western males, it is still the fastest growing religion in the world, is the largest religious community in the world, and the majority religion in 43 of the 53 Commonwealth countries. If King Charles took up this advocacy role as demonstrated by Christ, it would go a long way.

The promise remains that “If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.” (2 Chronicles 7:14)

The only question is: will King Charles be that instrument of change? Will he be able to take Wilberforce’s message even further and inspire world leaders to dismantle colonial patterns?

I am living in Perth, Western Australia, a privileged life where I have a roof over my head, food on the table, and plenty to spare. Life is safe. On the outside everything seems fine, but my heart is broken. You see, like so many migrants living in Western countries, I continue to cry for my beloved country. A country where over the last three months alone more than 900 women have been murdered. Life is cheap.

This past weekend that number became very real to me when my Tannie (Aunty) Christine was murdered on her farm in the early hours of Saturday, 4 March 2023. At 74 she was still as determined as ever. Everything that young women today might take for granted, she fought for during her lifetime. As was the custom in those days, she left school at an early age, instead of getting married, she studied nursing (the first one in my family). 

During Apartheid, women had to fit neatly into their boxes too, but Christine Walters (nee Jooste), although small in stature, forged her own way. Marriages between Afrikaners and English speakers were not common. She went against the grain and later married a Zimbabwean English speaking gentlemen. She went on to carve out a great career for herself in nursing and didn’t stop working until her early 70s. Upon retirement, she took it upon herself to keep the family farm. She was also the one who was there for me and my sisters when our Dad, her brother, died at a young age. She cared. She encouraged us through her example to never stop learning, never to stand back in a man’s world, and to give your all.

But, tannie Christine, is one of so many women in South Africa who died a violent death. The cycle just keeps repeating itself. The blood of the innocent keeps calling out from the land.  My own heart cries for my beloved country. It shouts: “when will this bloody cycle end?” “When will the South African government care enough about its own people to do something?” “When will western governments like Australia, who get the some of the best people from all nations to migrate here, actually intervene to help stop this cycle?”

This International Women’s Day, a tokenist morning tea with a few female speakers just won’t cut it. 

Photo: Christine Jooste in August 1966 at her brother Willie’s wedding to Driekie Jooste.

One of those moments for me happened at about 16 years old when I we did the poem, ‘Ode on a Grecian Urn’ by John Keats in English class. I was gripped by the dramatic scene of two young lovers forever etched on the urn, so close, yet they are forever distant, and not able to touch.

Fair youth, beneath the trees, thou canst not leave

       Thy song, nor ever can those trees be bare;

               Bold Lover, never, never canst thou kiss,

Though winning near the goal yet, do not grieve;

       She cannot fade, though thou hast not thy bliss,

               For ever wilt thou love, and she be fair!

This picture, and the importance of how we decide to make our mark on this world, has stayed with me forever. Only now, I see more that I myself am like this clay vessel. The intentions with which I live my life leaves its mark, not only on others around me and the environment, but also on myself. The seemingly imperfect, the cracks, and the paint that have faded over the years, paint a picture that leaves an impression that in return encourages those around us on their journey.

Join me on 13 August at 2pm for Clay + Connect at the Willagee Community Centre, to discover new things about yourself, learn how to make your own mug, and put your mark on it. We have teamed up with guest artist Ronel Koen (Swalo Ceramics) an experienced ceramist to bring you this hand-building experience in a fun and relaxed environment. Build some memorable and meaningful ceramics and new connections.Click here to book your ticket.

My plan was to launch a new app and create a space through workshops called ‘Clay + Connect’, where we will be able to learn how to deal with our new normal while making new connections with others and reconnecting with ourselves. But, I realised too that sometimes the shock of the unexpected means that we can’t just take up things where we left off or just keep going. Instead, we need to have grace for ourselves to take the time to pause, reflect, and rest before we can continue.

So, this blog I actually started writing at the beginning of April, so I had to take some of my own medicine, and do just that- pause. reflect. rest – before pressing publish.

Join me at Clay + Connect on 7 May 2022, 2-5pm, Willagee Community Centre.

#remembrancefunerals

#pause

“Come on, Mum, jump off the high jetty with us!”

My heart skipped a beat when I heard my son’s words. I don’t like heights, BUT, before any excuses could get the better of me, I said “yes”. I decided to face my fears and declared that I will do it – “jump into 2022” (after doing two training jumps from the lower part of Coogee jetty).

I’ve been walking around with a passion that’s burning inside of me. If you read my journals, particularly over the last fifteen years, it also speaks of one thing- inner design. How we were created with this inner design as our compass to guide us so that we can live out our purpose.

What does that mean on a day to day basis? What does it mean for your body, soul and spirit? Can you be satisfied with your life if you don’t know your inner design on these three levels?

Join me this year in the quest to uncover your inner design. Book a half an hour free Zoom consultation with me. Click on Contact to book your spot. Limited spaces available.

Unfortunately, by the time we hit the age of 10 years old and really start asking questions about life, and most people start comparing themselves to others, who we really are gets covered and distorted by so many factors.

If you have experienced moving countries, family trauma like domestic violence or transitions like divorce or the death of a parent, chances are who you think you are may not be who you were designed to be. Life events, even in the womb, not only has psychological effects on us, but it also affects the body, even to your cellular level. Your original self with all the talents and resources connected to it, can be hidden under a mountain of what you or others believe about you or say about you.

Knowing who you really are, why you are here, and what your purpose is in life, is essential for living a content and fruitful life. You can’t just prentend to be something or someone you are not. That is why I would love to invite you on this journey of finding your original design- body, soul and spirit. Our latest course, Original Design Uncovered will launch on 1 February 2022. Email hello@thedfm.site to register your interest.

And in the past, I know that at the local ANZAC parade other ex-soldiers of other countries were invited to take part in the march. It came as a surprise that Australia welcomed and embraced other military men who are now Australians. Yet, even that, never really made me feel like I was a part of the day. 

It is not a case that I don’t connect to the ANZACs themselves. I have never been able to muster up the courage to go the dawn service, because I think I would just be too emotional. On any regular day, I just have to walk around the ANZAC memorial at King’s Park in Perth and start fighting back the tears.

No, it came down to me just never having that photo of the person that connected me to ANZAC day. That was until ANZAC day 2021. Until I saw the photo of Alec McLellan. I finally connected. Here was a person who I never met, but I can say made a sacrifice and have a personal connection to my family. A name and a face that connects me to the history of Australia.

Alec’s son, Richard, was instrumental in our journey to Australia. When we thought we’ll just go to Cambodia for 18 months and then return to South Africa, Richard was the man who saw the potential in my husband to do ground-breaking conservation work in Cambodia. He encouraged us to come to Australia, and he helped pave the way for us to be here. None of this would be possible if it wasn’t for the sacrifices his father, Alec made.Today, although I acknowledge all ANZACs, I salute Alec McLellan- a man who fought for the freedom that my family and I have today. He fought for a free world. For people to be able to make free choices, beyond tyranny and fascism. For me. For my family.

Here’s what happens. You go to Google and type in your suburb and celebrant. Up pops at least ten to choose from, but let’s face it – websites can be deceiving. Once you’ve made the call and met with your celebrant it is hard to say ‘no’ if you don’t really like the person. 

So, how do you choose your celebrant? 

It depends on what’s important to you. Let your inner design guide your choice. Here are my top tips:

1.     Do you like what you see on their website? The images and wording on the website will be a give-away whether or not the celebrant matches your style. If they have a more conservative website and you are hoping to have a themed underwater wedding, it is probably not the celebrant for you. If you are going for a more minimalistic elegant ceremony look for a celebrant whose website matches your idea.

2.     Look for transparency. Most celebrants are upfront about their costs and charges. If the price does not match your budget – look elsewhere.

3.     Voice. Give the celebrant a call first. Do you like his/her voice or accent? Remember that you’ll have to listen to their voice throughout your ceremony.

4.     Culturally appropriate. If you have a cross-cultural wedding, it is better to go with a celebrant who advertises that they are multi-lingual. This way they are more likely to be able to pronounce all the names correctly or at least give it a go.

If you have more questions, feel free to email me at hello@thedfm.site